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Sunday, March 11, 2012

Teagan's Birth Story

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I woke up and got my eldest off to school without so much an inclining of labor starting. When we came back home, I laid down and curled up next to Dan and fell back asleep watching Internet videos on the tv. I'm not sure how long I was able to sleep before being awoken by a contraction. I didn't think much of it even though it was quite uncomfortable. I dozed back off only to wake up to another contraction, but it wasn't as strong. I'm not sure how long this went on for before I finally woke up at about 10:00. I walked out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen/dining area and had another one (just had one prior to getting up). I went to the bathroom, poured a cup of coffee, tried making myself something to eat, all the while having contractions. They seemed to come every time I moved. I told my mom I don't think Dan's going into work today.


I tried to time them, but they were so irregular and so frequent I wasn't able to. So I called my midwife's office and told them I thought I was in labor, but the contractions were irregular. They told me to come in, so I tried waking my husband up. Poor guy had only had about two hours of sleep after working a 12 hour shift. I had tried to let him sleep as long as possible, but the way things were going, something told me we needed to leave now. When I tried waking him, I told him, "I don't think you're going into work today. We need to go to the hospital, I think I'm in labor."


I got a groggy, "You're faking it..." Obviously, he was still asleep. I couldn't wait for him to wake up, so I had my mom and sister do it; I had to finish getting ready. I texted Jason and Ruby and told them it was baby time.

Dan and Jessie packed up the car and I got in still wearing my pajamas and slippers. We stopped at the gas station and started heading out. We got a call back from Ruby and since we were still in town, we turned around and picked her up. On the way to the hospital/midwife's office, the contractions seemed to become somewhat more regular and were quite strong but manageable with deep breathing and zoning out to Big Business.

We got to the hospital (also where my midwife's office is), I started heading in and my contractions became erratic again. It was a good thing there was a wheelchair by the entrance because it took me about a minute just to get in through the door... I was seen immediately by the midwife, Sharon, and was checked for dilation. I was already at 6 cms and 100% effaced. They called down to the maternity ward and told them to prep the room and fill the tub. It was finally time.

When we got to the room, I was so thrilled to see that I would get to birth in the Holistic Birth Center with the permanent tub versus one of the regular rooms with a semi-permanent tub. They're still nice, but not quite the same, plus, it helped me mentally since it was my dream to have that room. Pretty tub, no chance at drugs. In fact, as we rounded the corner and I saw the sign, I inhaled deeply and thought, "This is it..."

The tub


They hooked my up to the monitor to see how the baby was doing and asked me several questions. There was one decel where the baby's heart rate dropped real low that concerned them, but it only happened one time. The contractions were still just as strong as before and I was able to talk through them for the most part (only times I didn't was so I could focus on breathing). I was checked again for dilation and was now at about 8 or 9 cm. I couldn't believe I had already dilated that much in the span of about a half hour. Sharon broke my water in an effort to try and speed things along. Originally, I was against it as I thought, based on my past deliveries (which were all inductions), that the contractions would become unbearable. This didn't seem to be the case, this time. I got in the tub very shortly after wearing just my nursing bra (I had bought a bathing suit top specifically for this. Never used it).



Laboring in the water was so nice. After months of heaving my massive belly around, it was nice to be able to move around almost weightlessly. The pain relief wasn't instantaneous but it soothed me mentally. When we discovered that I had left my camera's memory card back home in the laptop, Dan was ready to run down to the gift shop and buy a disposable camera. I was in the middle of a contraction and remember thinking, "Don't you dare leave me....". Thankfully, the nurse, Deb, was smart enough to suggest someone else go. He threw a 50 dollar bill at Ruby and said, "Here, it'll probably cost that much, too." My sister had brought her crappy point & shoot, thankfully. Another item I held the baby in for but never used...

 

After a very brief time from getting in the tub, i was able to relax almost completely and the pain from the contractions subsided. There were many occasions when I felt myself holding tension in my neck and shoulders, and a few when I tensed up quite a bit (the pain was worsened then), but for the most part I remained extremely relaxed. There were a few times when I remember Dan holding and rubbing my hand and it was completely limp. I overheard at one point the nurse ask if I was asleep. I think I may have been too relaxed at times as I had a hard time telling if I was having a contraction. I was experiencing lots of pressure, but felt no urge to push. I was even able to joke and apologize (for what, I don't quite remember) between contractions.

 

The midwife checked me and said I was at 9.5-10 cm and to try and push. I tried pushing in a semi-sitting position. This was when things got more painful and I started begging for an epidural. I remember everyone telling me to push and I eventually snapped, "Quit telling me what to do." It was more directed at everyone, but poor Dan got the reply. I changed positions because I kept arching my back in my current position and got into a lunging stance and began rocking her out and gently pushing. I ended up getting a leg cramp in the midst of a rather intense contraction, and brought that leg underneath me more. Ugh... I remember the leg cramp more than I do the contraction!

Finally, I felt the urge to truly push. I groaned loudly and in one long push she was born. I had my eyes closed for the most part (especially toward the end), but as I was pushing I opened my eyes and I saw my sister's face. The look on her face was priceless; she looked soo scared! But it didn't hurt and I didn't feel the "ring of fire" I so dreaded. I stood up and heard the midwife saying the cord was short and it was wrapped around her hand. I felt it tug when we tried maneuvering her around so I could sit down and hold her for the first time.

We sat there for a few minutes, but I started getting cold, so we got out and laid in the bed under some blankets. I fed her and she latched on really well (another first). The nurse gave us all the time in the world to let us bond and breast feed. Eventually they weighed, measured, and took her away for her bath. She was 7 lbs 13 oz and 20 1/2 inches.

It was quite possibly the most amazing experience of my life! I'm so happy I was able to stick it out. Not that I had a whole lot of time to change my mind, considering I was only in labor for four hours, but still...

Since this post is getting a bit long, I'll save my thoughts on the whole experience for another post. ^_~

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A much needed update

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I figured I'd take a moment to update you all about what's been going on. I'm doing this from my phone so please excuse any typos.

This past month or so has wreaked hell on me. I was sick almost non-stop save a few day's break here and there. Then, last Friday, the intense pain in my face started. It began just below my eye on my cheek bone. I thought it was a sinus infection since I had been so congested. It started getting worse though. It felt like Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me on the left side of my face. I couldn't see straight, was seeing things, dizzy, nauseous, could barely open my mouth; bending over made my face hurt more, and coughing was a nightmare. Every time I coughed, I would start crying.

It was late by the time I wanted to go urgicare and dragging two tired kids and a toddler to the hospital for four hours was not something I wanted to put anyone through, so we waited until Sunday morning to go when we could get a babysitter. When I got to the hospital, they said it was TMJ.And they can't do much about it. They could do a CAT scan, but since I'm pregnant, the radiation poses too much a risk for the baby. Can't do surgery either...They sent me home with Tylenol 3's, which didn't do much. Still couldn't see, eat, or walk much.



I made a follow-up appointment with my midwife. She was concerned it was an abscessed tooth as well (she couldn't really tell though, because I couldn't open my mouth), and told me to make an appointment with a dentist at the biggest hospital in the area. By this point, I had developed a minor fever too, which didn't really surprise me considering my entire body ached. I tried, but they said for me to come in during their emergency hours. I was concerned it was an abscessed tooth since the other hospital barely did anything to check or rule anything out. I knew how things worked at the hospital, if there were too many people there when I went, I wouldn't be seen. I didn't want to risk anything (plus, my husband wouldn't be able to take me having worked 12 hours and then having to go back and work another 12), so we went to that hospital's emergency room.

Surprisingly, it only took about two hours in and out. I received the same diagnosis of TMJ, but at least they checked inside my mouth and checked the baby's heart rate. Went home with some penicillin and Vicodin. That's about all that can be done at this time.

I still don't feel much better. I can at least cough without screaming in pain, though, and I can do things around the house in small spurts. But, I still can't eat much. I've lost about three pounds already...not something you really wanna do when you're 26 weeks pregnant...I don't know what caused it, either. I know it wasn't from grinding my teeth, since I've been a mouth-breather as of late (It's not my fault!).

In other news, we got my eldest daughter's IEP back. They said she has PPD-NOS or Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD. She will never be able to be in a normal class if she went to a typical public school. I'm soooo thankful for Summit Academy...I've mentioned the school before, but in case you've missed it, it's a school that deals specifically with children with Asperger's, Autism, ADHD, and other such disorders. The teachers are specifically trained to deal with children with these challenges. They also lump two grades into one classroom in their elementary schools. Very nice for kids who are struggling or may be ahead of their grade. Back when she attended the public school in our old city, we frequently received calls about her emotional "instability". She's already made some wonderful improvements since attending Summit Academy. She still struggles greatly socially, but now with her IEP, we know what we need to focus on. Academically, she does amazing... Except in spelling; she's at about a kindergarten level there, but she can read at a third grade level.

I'm still struggling myself to fully understand her IEP report.  It's a lot to take in, and at times it makes me a little sad to know she will probably struggle in life. Especially knowing how much of an awesome kid she is.

In blog news, I have a giveaway coming up! I've been working on writing it up. It's taking longer than I'd like, but it's self-sponsored, so I can do that. ^_~ I just wish I'd feel better...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Scraptacular Freebie 6

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Here's this week's Scraptacular Freebie! Again, I won't be posting my own page because I'm in an immense amount of pain and having difficulty seeing properly. I hope to post an official update soon, but I need to start feeling better first. The baby is fine, though, so no worries there.




Don't forget, if you wish to purchase My Memories Suite, please use my code STMMMS7185 to get $10 off the software and $10 in free kits. This freebie can be used with other software, just so you know. 

Happy scrappin'!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Scraptacular Freebie 5

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This past week has been...germ-y...The kids are sick again. I got sick again 5 days ago. Things got really bad three days ago (I almost went to the hospital)...and now I think I'm catching something else. Is that even possible? To be doubly sick?? All I know is it's totally different from what I had earlier. My ear and throat are now incredibly sore to the point where I can't really eat and it hurts to even drink. I'm fighting dehydration and my lips are annoyingly dry. You know, that tight, itchy feeling? Yuck.

So, this week, I'm only going to post the freebie. I'm sorry, but I just can't find the energy to create a page with these sweet little kits.



Download

This kit contains two quick pages, two digital papers, and two page elements. Keep in mind, that since these are .png files, you can use these with any software! However, if you wish to purchase My Memories Suite, please use my code STMMMS7185 to get $10 off the software and $10 in free kits!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Klauer Review: Snug and Tug~ ends 11/16 (11:59pm eastern)

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Sharing a giveaway I found. I'd write more, but I'm feeling lazy and my eldest is home sick.

The Klauer Review: Snug and Tug~ ends 11/16 (11:59pm eastern): Every baby is different. I have 4 boys and only my youngest loves to be swaddled. There are a lot of great reasons to swaddle a baby but ...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

"I'm sorry" just doesn't feel like enough

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My dear son,

I have tried to write this countless times. Yet, each time I try to write, there are truly no words to express this profound guilt I carry with me. Each time, I'd maybe muster a few sentences, but it always fell short.

The words, "I'm sorry" simply do not feel like it's enough. I don't feel like there's anything I can say that will help make up for what I've done.

When you were born, you were perfect. Not that you're any less perfect now, there was just no true need for what we did. And after nearly losing you while pregnant, I can't believe I chose to put you at risk for losing you again.

I had chosen to have you circumcised. When I learned what it truly was when you were 9 months old, I cried the hardest I've cried in a long time. I cried every day for weeks. Three years later I still cry about it, but not as frequently. But there isn't a day that goes by where I don't hate myself for the decision I made.

Every day I live in fear that you will grow up to hate me for taking away your right to choose. It is your body. It was not my right to decide for you.

I am angry at myself. I wouldn't circumcise my daughters - I won't even pierce their ears. I don't like anyone else telling me what I should do with my body...Why would I be such a hypocrite?

As a mother, it is my duty to protect you, and I willingly let someone cut off a part of your body. I feel like I've failed you. I feel like I've failed as a mother. I am eternally sorry. 

From the time that you were 4 months old, you wouldn't allow anyone to clean you there. You would cry out in pain and writhe away, and I know this is my fault.

I should have done more research myself. I wish I wouldn't have let myself feel overwhelmed at all the info out there. I had hoped that the nurses would have been able to provide better information, considering...you know...they had seen it everyday. But she had minimized the procedure. I asked that they use some sort of anesthetic, but they brought you back screaming, and I knew they did not.

I was always unsure about it. I should have trusted my instinct.

And with the new baby on the way, a new fear has arisen. If it's a boy, I have already decided not to. I had made that decision a long time ago, actually. However, I worry that as the two of you grow, you will resent the fact that he was left intact and you were not.

I can only hope, that if you are upset with our decision, that you can forgive me.

Disclaimer: This was a very difficult post to write. I'd rather not have to deal with inconsiderate comments.

Linking this post up with Shell's P.Y.H.O. 

How have I not gone completely crazy, yet?

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