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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

So much for hoping...

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He didn't get the job. He called yesterday and said that the reason he didn't hire him wasn't because of him, it's just that he was going to keep what he has right now and if anything changes, he'll call him...He's not going to call, as much as I'd like to believe so. Dan's heart broken. We both are, but him more so. He actually got to see the 5 bedroom house that we could have had and how nice it was. Everything we have hoped for for the past 5 years was dangling right in front of our faces.
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Monday, August 30, 2010

Everyone's always got something to say

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My parenting style is different from anyone else in my family. I am the first person to be into attachment parenting (AP). I wasn't always though.



With my first born, I guess you could say I was more into the mainstream way of parenting, for lack of a better term. While I attempted to breastfeed, I couldn't.. She had a "super root". Her rooting reflex was so strong it was almost impossible to get her latched on. She'd shake her head back and forth as if possessed. Even after I was lucky enough to get my boob in her mouth, she'd start rooting again. This only led to a pissed off and hungry baby, so I ended up switching to formula. I believed in letting her sleep in her own bed and I usually let her cry it out, especially after all her basic needs were met. Little did I know she probably just wanted to be close to me...She was a quiet baby for the most part and appeared to want little to do with us and would arch her back when we held her (this can be an indication of autism). And since I believed in letting babies entertain themselves, she frequently did her own thing. She didn't spend all of her time alone or anything, just so ya know...Back then though, I rarely heard much about my parenting. Well, except that I needed to keep her awake more during the day so she'd sleep at night.  They didn't know she had sleeping issues, but it didn't matter what I said.



My son was the one who sparked the revolution. I was lucky to be able to breastfeed my son. I did have to supplement with some formula. The boy was literally attached to me all the time (I was lucky to get 15 minutes to myself). OMG, it was  rough and I wanted to give up soo many times...Once I found out both he and I were happier when we fell asleep in the same bed, I began adopting it into my parenting. Thanks to this, I was able to bond with him and realized how special of a baby he was. I mean, what 6 month old baby likes to play and run his fingers through your hair??



But, this is when people began to say stuff to me.




"You should really try to feed him on a schedule" Well, you don't always eat on a schedule, now do you? You eat when you're bored or for comfort, right? You eat when you cry and a baby cries when he wants to eat...And if I didn't feed him on demand then he probably would have ended up malnourished or even worse. He was always slightly underweight. It could have been due to supply issues...But this is why books like Babywise are dangerous. My mother has frequently made that comment to me. Thankfully, she has been working to accept this and even asked if she "was being old fashioned".



No one thought I'd breast feed for as long as I did either. With my son we made it through until he self-weaned a few days after his first birthday. I plan to do the same with Kyrielle. I don't care if you don't agree with it. For one, it's nationally recommended to continue to nurse for up to the first two years of life. For two, he's healthier because of it thanks to breast milk's super powers.


 
"You let him sleep with you?!" Good God, nothing shocks people more when you tell them you co-sleep and they don't. I acknowledge the possible link between SIDS and co-sleeping, but SIDS can also happen in the crib - hence the term "crib/cot death". There are certain measures that you take when  co-sleeping, just as there are certain measures you take when putting to baby to sleep in a crib. Plus, with all the recent recalls on things like the Nap Nanny and drop-side cribs is it truly safer to put your baby in a crib?? He doesn't sleep with us anymore, though. I gradually transitioned him into his own room and he sleeps just fine..

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And once Dillinger got older, he fell in love with Dora the Explorer, mommy's and Dia's shoes, and other girly things. I don't have a problem with it at all, my husband does on occasion. Obviously the people who do,  fear that he will be gay. :Gasp!: Not the dreaded Gay Virus!! :rolls eyes: When my father was up here visiting back in June/July, he kept commenting to Dilli on how "it's gay" that he loves his pink Dora blanket and cup and his baby blue Diego shirt. So what!? He likes what he likes. If he (or any of my kids for that matter) are gay it won't affect me or my husband - we'll still love him just the same. I accepted the fact that you were a pretty shitty dad, why can't you accept your grandson for who he is? It's a good thing my father's a magician and can make himself disappear.







Opinions are like kittens. You can try to give them away all you want, but not everyone wants them. Parenting is hard enough without someone else putting their two cents in.  Unless I'm actually putting my kids at risk by say, leaving my heroin needles out or locking my kids in the car in the middle of summer with the windows rolled up (DISCLAIMER: I absolutely do not do those things), I'd like you to leave me alone...

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Nervous! Eep!

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Monday we hope to have an answer on whether or not Dan has the job. The owner said on Friday  he had to make a business decision & needed more time to try to make it work. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means & what it all entails. But I'm praying that he can make it work. If this falls through I know its going to depress the both of us. As I mentioned previously, this is perfect for us.

If this falls through, Dan said he's going to get his GED & enlist in the army. That is something I absolutely do NOT want to happen. It would take us from our families. It would take him from us. And I start getting separation anxiety sometimes mere hours if I go somewhere without him. If I go somewhere where there's a large crowd, he's the only reason I don't have a full blown panic attack. He would miss out on all of Kyri's first & a good deal of the other two's childhood. And Dillinger will sometimes cry for hours when he has to go to work. And the idea that he might not come back frightens the living piss out of me. I'd be a wreck & insanely depressed.

Now, he's said he was going to enlist w couple times in the past when things got bad for us, but thankfully it got better. I'm 95% sure that he'll do it too if he doesn't get this job.

I'm so nervous I could puke...that's part of the reason why I've been blogging away like crazy today.

All he wants to do is provide for his family... He feels like a failure when he can't. He's miserable here. We all are really, but him mostly.

Oh, please let him get this job...

-Posted via Blogaway for Android

Sexy Sunday

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W00t for memes! Just when I thought I couldn't become more obsessed with blogging...

Smell that? That's new meme fresh scent! This one's called Sexy Sunday hosted by The Zombie Housewife, Boobies, Babies, & a Blog, Names Will Not Be Changed to Protect the Innocent, and Babes Rockin' Mami. Each week they'll post a list of  naughty questions or a sex related topic for you to post about, if you so wish. Take the Sexy Sunday button and put it at the top of your post, and link back to our hostesses in your post as well.

Since this is adult content, don't click read more if this kind of thing makes you uncomfortable or you're under the age of 18.


Random Dilli cuteness

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eta: Sorry about the wind you're hearing. It's not me breathing I swear! It's our super-fan.


He was trying to play Lego Batman. He really wants to play video games like his big sis, but just can't grasp the concept. He kept exclaiming, "I told you...it's too hard!".

As each day goes by, I become more & more amazed at how his language has developed. It wasn't too long ago that he was speaking in almost complete vowels. I was the only one who was ever able to understand him. His vocabulary has increased exponentially...he knows words and phrases that I had no clue about. I love that he's growing up & stuff, but I still miss my baby boy. <3 

-Posted via Blogaway for Android

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Saturday Six

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This is my first internet meme that I've ever participated in. Up until now, I was mere voyeur and watched from the sidelines. So, who popped my meme cherry? The Zombie Housewife and Boobies, Babies, & a Blog, two awesome blogs I happened to stumble upon the other day.

Your mission should you choose to accept it:

  • Click on the button above and grab the code
  • Link back to our gracious hostesses: Ashlee from The Zombie Housewife, and Jana from Boobies, Babies, & a Blog.
  • Copy the questions below and answer them in your "Saturday Six" blog post
  • Then enter you info into the linky either at The Zombie Housewife or Boobies, Babies & a Blog


1.)   Name a song that describes you, one that describes your sex life, and one that describes your relationship (or your last relationship if you're single)! 

Myself: Oh Crap...This one's really hard...Uh. "Lips, Tits, Hips" by Tilt, I suppose. I dunno I've never been able to find a song that could describe me...Or "Like Shit" by MSI

Sex Life: "Never Wanted to Dance" by MSI. I'd been with a lot of guys before my husband. He's the only one I ever actually had feelings for and I knew one day I'd have him...It took four years, but. lol

My relationship: "I hate you, I love you" by the Dead Milkmen. I love the man, but damn he pisses me off sometimes!

2.)  Have you ever tried anal sex?  If yes would you try it again & if no would you ever try it? (You can thank Ian for this question, he never got around to asking it for TMM!)

 Yes I have and yes I would. My husband owns sole rights to that one...

3.)  If your teenager wanted a sex toy or a porn movie would you buy it for them?  Why or why not?  (This one was inspired by a debate on CafeMom.com)

Um.  I don''t think I could ever buy any of them a porno. It doesn't give a realistic image of what sex is. Granted sex can be sort of like it if you're just talking solely about what they're doing. But I don't feel like it promotes what a healthy relationship should be. There's no emotion, they're all plastic, it's all fake. I don't believe that a teen can truly know it's for sheer entertainment. And with young girls using sex for attention, I don't think it sends a good message. A sex toy, so long as it's just a simple vibrator, I don't ever hear them, and I never have to see the thing again, I can probably handle. It can't knock anyone up, give them a STD, or anything like that...

4.)  Let's say you commit a serious crime, but are able to get away with it. Could you live the rest of your life without paying your debt to society? OR would you turn yourself in?

The only way I could ever commit a serious crime is if my family were involved. If someone raped/touched/murdered my children guarantee I've got no problem hunting you down and slicing you open from groin to throat. People who harm children get off easily and I could not rest easy knowing that they're going to be out on the street again around other people's children.


5.)  What are the 3 core things you want to instill in your children. (If you don't have kids...assume you do.)

Individuality and the ability to think for themselves
Honesty
Compassion

 6.)  Could you ever be in an open relationship? 

I have in the past...I honestly don't know if I could do it again though. I just don't have the desire to have sex with anyone other than my husband. And if I did, I'd have to like them, and that's a no-no in my book.
 

And here we go...

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So we got a phone call from Bucket's teacher already. She had several outbursts today. My husband took the call so I don't know too many details yet... Before Dan told me anything I asked her if something happened at school. She told me she got upset because everyone was winning a red ticket for the prize box and she was always losing. Now granted, I don't know all the details but I knew that prize box was going to be a problem... I don't think I'd have such a problem with it if it was to reward good behavior or for turning your homework in on time or for even passing a test. But it seems like it's possibly a lottery/game. I dunno, maybe I should buy them more toys/trinkets. Maybe then she wouldn't behave like this... She apparently sat in the grass crying & pulling up grass her entire recess. I asked her what about and she said that she was upset because someone was winning a game all the time. Notice a pattern here? I know she has tendency to be a sore loser, but I didn't realize it was to this extent. At home, she isn't that bad with it - but we've had time to work on it with her. She knows she can't win at everything. And I've explained to her that a lot is going to happen in life that you don't like...just so no one thinks I coddle my children...because I don't. She also walked up to the teacher and started tugging on her shirt to ask her a question. This wouldn't have been so bad had the teacher not been in the middle of trying to teach a lesson.  This is something we've struggled with for a while but haven't been able to resolve. Maybe we're not consistent enough on that one. It's an easy one to mess up because what if it's important, ya know?   And there were a couple more outbursts. All in one day. I'm trying to think if something was different or if something happened that would affect her in such a way. She went to bed the same - although she didn't fall asleep until very late, but that's typical. I don't know if she woke up during the night, but it's possible because she does that pretty frequently too. I did pack her a PB&J sandwich this morning vs the ham sandwich she's had the last two days, but I don't think that was it. Plus, I gave her the option... Maybe it was because it was Dan who got her mostly ready this morning because I was feeding the baby? I don't know... I don't raise bad kids. And she isn't like this at home. She's probably having a hard time adjusting (in school all day, can't eat as often as she did at home, etc). And the more I read about Asperger's the more it all makes sense. I've had my suspicions for a few years now, but part of me didn't want to face that fact & another part of me thought it was ADHD (which it could still be an underlying problem....we'll see). I'm just thankful that the teacher understood & will be asking the school psychologist to sit in & observe her. I had already planned to make an appointment, but I'm kind of glad that  it'll be done at school where it seems she has the hardest time. I know that her Asperger's isn't "as bad" as it could be but there is definitely somethin going on. And forgive me if my thoughts seem a bit jumbled...I'm still so surprised... -Posted via Blogaway for Android -Posted via Blogaway for Android

How have I not gone completely crazy, yet?

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