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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A much needed update

I figured I'd take a moment to update you all about what's been going on. I'm doing this from my phone so please excuse any typos.

This past month or so has wreaked hell on me. I was sick almost non-stop save a few day's break here and there. Then, last Friday, the intense pain in my face started. It began just below my eye on my cheek bone. I thought it was a sinus infection since I had been so congested. It started getting worse though. It felt like Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me on the left side of my face. I couldn't see straight, was seeing things, dizzy, nauseous, could barely open my mouth; bending over made my face hurt more, and coughing was a nightmare. Every time I coughed, I would start crying.

It was late by the time I wanted to go urgicare and dragging two tired kids and a toddler to the hospital for four hours was not something I wanted to put anyone through, so we waited until Sunday morning to go when we could get a babysitter. When I got to the hospital, they said it was TMJ.And they can't do much about it. They could do a CAT scan, but since I'm pregnant, the radiation poses too much a risk for the baby. Can't do surgery either...They sent me home with Tylenol 3's, which didn't do much. Still couldn't see, eat, or walk much.

I made a follow-up appointment with my midwife. She was concerned it was an abscessed tooth as well (she couldn't really tell though, because I couldn't open my mouth), and told me to make an appointment with a dentist at the biggest hospital in the area. By this point, I had developed a minor fever too, which didn't really surprise me considering my entire body ached. I tried, but they said for me to come in during their emergency hours. I was concerned it was an abscessed tooth since the other hospital barely did anything to check or rule anything out. I knew how things worked at the hospital, if there were too many people there when I went, I wouldn't be seen. I didn't want to risk anything (plus, my husband wouldn't be able to take me having worked 12 hours and then having to go back and work another 12), so we went to that hospital's emergency room.

Surprisingly, it only took about two hours in and out. I received the same diagnosis of TMJ, but at least they checked inside my mouth and checked the baby's heart rate. Went home with some penicillin and Vicodin. That's about all that can be done at this time.

I still don't feel much better. I can at least cough without screaming in pain, though, and I can do things around the house in small spurts. But, I still can't eat much. I've lost about three pounds already...not something you really wanna do when you're 26 weeks pregnant...I don't know what caused it, either. I know it wasn't from grinding my teeth, since I've been a mouth-breather as of late (It's not my fault!).

In other news, we got my eldest daughter's IEP back. They said she has PPD-NOS or Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD. She will never be able to be in a normal class if she went to a typical public school. I'm soooo thankful for Summit Academy...I've mentioned the school before, but in case you've missed it, it's a school that deals specifically with children with Asperger's, Autism, ADHD, and other such disorders. The teachers are specifically trained to deal with children with these challenges. They also lump two grades into one classroom in their elementary schools. Very nice for kids who are struggling or may be ahead of their grade. Back when she attended the public school in our old city, we frequently received calls about her emotional "instability". She's already made some wonderful improvements since attending Summit Academy. She still struggles greatly socially, but now with her IEP, we know what we need to focus on. Academically, she does amazing... Except in spelling; she's at about a kindergarten level there, but she can read at a third grade level.

I'm still struggling myself to fully understand her IEP report.  It's a lot to take in, and at times it makes me a little sad to know she will probably struggle in life. Especially knowing how much of an awesome kid she is.

In blog news, I have a giveaway coming up! I've been working on writing it up. It's taking longer than I'd like, but it's self-sponsored, so I can do that. ^_~ I just wish I'd feel better...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Scraptacular Freebie 6

Here's this week's Scraptacular Freebie! Again, I won't be posting my own page because I'm in an immense amount of pain and having difficulty seeing properly. I hope to post an official update soon, but I need to start feeling better first. The baby is fine, though, so no worries there.

Don't forget, if you wish to purchase My Memories Suite, please use my code STMMMS7185 to get $10 off the software and $10 in free kits. This freebie can be used with other software, just so you know. 

Happy scrappin'!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Scraptacular Freebie 5

This past week has been...germ-y...The kids are sick again. I got sick again 5 days ago. Things got really bad three days ago (I almost went to the hospital)...and now I think I'm catching something else. Is that even possible? To be doubly sick?? All I know is it's totally different from what I had earlier. My ear and throat are now incredibly sore to the point where I can't really eat and it hurts to even drink. I'm fighting dehydration and my lips are annoyingly dry. You know, that tight, itchy feeling? Yuck.

So, this week, I'm only going to post the freebie. I'm sorry, but I just can't find the energy to create a page with these sweet little kits.


This kit contains two quick pages, two digital papers, and two page elements. Keep in mind, that since these are .png files, you can use these with any software! However, if you wish to purchase My Memories Suite, please use my code STMMMS7185 to get $10 off the software and $10 in free kits!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Klauer Review: Snug and Tug~ ends 11/16 (11:59pm eastern)

Sharing a giveaway I found. I'd write more, but I'm feeling lazy and my eldest is home sick.

The Klauer Review: Snug and Tug~ ends 11/16 (11:59pm eastern): Every baby is different. I have 4 boys and only my youngest loves to be swaddled. There are a lot of great reasons to swaddle a baby but ...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

"I'm sorry" just doesn't feel like enough

My dear son,

I have tried to write this countless times. Yet, each time I try to write, there are truly no words to express this profound guilt I carry with me. Each time, I'd maybe muster a few sentences, but it always fell short.

The words, "I'm sorry" simply do not feel like it's enough. I don't feel like there's anything I can say that will help make up for what I've done.

When you were born, you were perfect. Not that you're any less perfect now, there was just no true need for what we did. And after nearly losing you while pregnant, I can't believe I chose to put you at risk for losing you again.

I had chosen to have you circumcised. When I learned what it truly was when you were 9 months old, I cried the hardest I've cried in a long time. I cried every day for weeks. Three years later I still cry about it, but not as frequently. But there isn't a day that goes by where I don't hate myself for the decision I made.

Every day I live in fear that you will grow up to hate me for taking away your right to choose. It is your body. It was not my right to decide for you.

I am angry at myself. I wouldn't circumcise my daughters - I won't even pierce their ears. I don't like anyone else telling me what I should do with my body...Why would I be such a hypocrite?

As a mother, it is my duty to protect you, and I willingly let someone cut off a part of your body. I feel like I've failed you. I feel like I've failed as a mother. I am eternally sorry. 

From the time that you were 4 months old, you wouldn't allow anyone to clean you there. You would cry out in pain and writhe away, and I know this is my fault.

I should have done more research myself. I wish I wouldn't have let myself feel overwhelmed at all the info out there. I had hoped that the nurses would have been able to provide better information, considering...you know...they had seen it everyday. But she had minimized the procedure. I asked that they use some sort of anesthetic, but they brought you back screaming, and I knew they did not.

I was always unsure about it. I should have trusted my instinct.

And with the new baby on the way, a new fear has arisen. If it's a boy, I have already decided not to. I had made that decision a long time ago, actually. However, I worry that as the two of you grow, you will resent the fact that he was left intact and you were not.

I can only hope, that if you are upset with our decision, that you can forgive me.

Disclaimer: This was a very difficult post to write. I'd rather not have to deal with inconsiderate comments.

Linking this post up with Shell's P.Y.H.O. 

How have I not gone completely crazy, yet?

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