P.Y.H.O. - My source of strength

As messed up and uncertain things may be at the moment, feeling these little baby kicks and seeing my children's smiling faces make it all better. Granted this is not what I want for them, but they're the reason why I continue on.

Ten years ago, I was the last person you'd imagine with 3 (4) kids and loving every minute of it. Well, most...not fond of cleaning up poop from the furniture. I was reckless. I was homeless. I didn't date due to a previous horrible relationship, and when I finally did, they'd maybe last three months. Even I didn't think I was going to have kids - and if so, just one.

Then I met my husband and it all changed.

Things have been rough for us for most of the time. I have struggled with depression since I was very, very young. I used to write, but no longer could. It's through these times when I've relied on my children as my source of strength.

In those dark moments when I'd allow my depression to take hold of me, I would think about my kids. I would think about how their life would be without me, and I found the strength to push through it.

I think about that sparkle in their eyes when they smile or laugh. I utterly adore their laugh.

I think about their tiny hands in mine, even if they're trying to squirm away.

I remember back to the day they were born. Even if I was terrified and unsure of how I'd fare as a mother...

I recall how my heart beamed at their first steps, first words, and first times they danced.

I love our silly conversations. I look forward to more.

I love discovering  and watching their interests grow. Even if I don't understand them or find them annoying.

I love the expressions they make and the silly things they do. I would rather watch them than tv.

I never imagined that someone so tiny could have such an impact on me.

Sure, I may be considered "boring" now. Sure, I may annoy you with how much I talk about my kids.  Yes, I do miss "me" and I'm struggling to find that person I once knew. But, my kids have literally saved my life. And when all hope seems gone, I look to them and know this is not true.

Cloth Diapering Tips Ep. 2 - Disposables

I know...Why am I talking about using disposables when there's so many great things about cloth diapering?

Sometimes, you end up using them...

When I was pregnant with my youngest, I had intended on using cloth right from the beginning. Well, after the hospital...Meconium can be a pain to get out of cloth and we already had enough to pack and bring home from the hospital. I had bought a package of infant sized prefolds that said will fit babies 7 lbs. and up. They kept telling me she was going to be big based on her ultrasounds. Well, she wasn't. When we brought her home from the hospital, she weighed about 6 1/2 lbs and only 18 1/2 inches long.

Her diapers simply didn't fit. Her legs were too skinny and the prefolds gapped around her legs. Which isn't something you don't want unless you want poo and urine flowing outside and onto your covers., possibly leaking everywhere (although, with the right fit cloth diaper/cover, you'll have fewer blow-outs vs. disposables). It was also very bulky around her waist and it seemed to make her uncomfortable. Yes, she was a princess and Her Majesty was not pleased...


In fact, they didn't fit her for quite a while, not until about 8-10 weeks. Thankfully, people had given us a few packages of newborn diapers, even though I had asked that if they were buy diapers, I would prefer cloth. I'm glad they didn't listen.

Something tells me it shouldn't come down to her knees...

There have also been times when she had needed disposables. I didn't think that this would ever happen... Occasionally, she will develop a rash that is just as stubborn as she is. Calendula creams, GSE, and plenty of airing out just didn't solve it. The main culprit was due to her acidic teething poops. So, we would put her in disposables until it cleared up enough to put cloth diapers back on her.

Long car trips was another time when we've used disposables. Plenty of people don't, but we do. I can't smell a poopy cloth diaper as easily as a disposable. And if she's teething, we need to change it fast. If you're worried about what to do with poopy diapers, wrap it up in a plastic bag and then toss it in with the rest of the non-poopy cloth diapers.

Nighttime diapering was another time when disposables came in handy. While my daughter was fine in doubling up with a prefold and insert inside a fitted one-size diaper, my son was not. And I bed-shared with each of them. Nothing worse than waking up to a wet bed and a cranky, hungry baby. There are options for this too, but it was not in our budget at the time. You can try buying a nighttime diaper. Sometimes, you still need extra absorbency with these, but you may not - it's all trial and error. Hemp is also really good at being super-absorbent, as is a wool cover.

If it's in your budget, I would definitely suggest in buying some newborn sized diapers. Keep in mind though, that your baby will probably grow out of them pretty quickly. In the case of my daughter, she didn't though, and buying a newborn package probably would have been the smarter choice if we had to pay for the disposables (but we didn't, so we didn't). Plus, you can always sell them when your baby's outgrown them, or donate them.

In the case of a stubborn rash or while traveling, they do have disposable inserts that you can buy. Grovia and Flip each have their own inserts that are made from biodegradable materials that you can choose to throw away or compost. I have never tried them, but I have heard they have a tendency to leak faster than cloth. You can try using them if you're trying to clear up a rash since you'll be changing frequently anyways, but they are more expensive than disposables. Flip's inserts are cheaper than Grovia's, and I imagine that you can use them in any cover if you don't have theirs (although, I love both their shells). GDiapers also has disposable inserts that you can flush. Again, I've never tried these diapers, but it's still an option.

Kelly's closet carries both hybrid diapers if you're interested in them.

Ultimately, do what you can...If you find that you need to use disposables, do not feel bad, do not beat yourself up. What you're using is still a small amount compared to someone who chooses to use nothing but disposables. You're still contributing to keeping our earth a bit cleaner...If you find yourself needing disposables because you can't afford to try the alternatives, I would suggest in buying store brands like Parent's Choice or Target's or Dollar General (that's usually our go-to disposable). I've personally found that these seem to cause less problems for my kids than the big names like Huggies, Luvs, and Pampers. I also haven't had any problems with them being made poorly (although, the occasional tab may rip off if your husband's a Strong Man). 

If there's anything else anyone would like to add to this or if you have any questions, please leave a comment!

Everyone's always got something to say

My parenting style is different from anyone else in my family. I am the first person to be into attachment parenting (AP). I wasn't always though.



With my first born, I guess you could say I was more into the mainstream way of parenting, for lack of a better term. While I attempted to breastfeed, I couldn't.. She had a "super root". Her rooting reflex was so strong it was almost impossible to get her latched on. She'd shake her head back and forth as if possessed. Even after I was lucky enough to get my boob in her mouth, she'd start rooting again. This only led to a pissed off and hungry baby, so I ended up switching to formula. I believed in letting her sleep in her own bed and I usually let her cry it out, especially after all her basic needs were met. Little did I know she probably just wanted to be close to me...She was a quiet baby for the most part and appeared to want little to do with us and would arch her back when we held her (this can be an indication of autism). And since I believed in letting babies entertain themselves, she frequently did her own thing. She didn't spend all of her time alone or anything, just so ya know...Back then though, I rarely heard much about my parenting. Well, except that I needed to keep her awake more during the day so she'd sleep at night.  They didn't know she had sleeping issues, but it didn't matter what I said.



My son was the one who sparked the revolution. I was lucky to be able to breastfeed my son. I did have to supplement with some formula. The boy was literally attached to me all the time (I was lucky to get 15 minutes to myself). OMG, it was  rough and I wanted to give up soo many times...Once I found out both he and I were happier when we fell asleep in the same bed, I began adopting it into my parenting. Thanks to this, I was able to bond with him and realized how special of a baby he was. I mean, what 6 month old baby likes to play and run his fingers through your hair??



But, this is when people began to say stuff to me.




"You should really try to feed him on a schedule" Well, you don't always eat on a schedule, now do you? You eat when you're bored or for comfort, right? You eat when you cry and a baby cries when he wants to eat...And if I didn't feed him on demand then he probably would have ended up malnourished or even worse. He was always slightly underweight. It could have been due to supply issues...But this is why books like Babywise are dangerous. My mother has frequently made that comment to me. Thankfully, she has been working to accept this and even asked if she "was being old fashioned".



No one thought I'd breast feed for as long as I did either. With my son we made it through until he self-weaned a few days after his first birthday. I plan to do the same with Kyrielle. I don't care if you don't agree with it. For one, it's nationally recommended to continue to nurse for up to the first two years of life. For two, he's healthier because of it thanks to breast milk's super powers.


 
"You let him sleep with you?!" Good God, nothing shocks people more when you tell them you co-sleep and they don't. I acknowledge the possible link between SIDS and co-sleeping, but SIDS can also happen in the crib - hence the term "crib/cot death". There are certain measures that you take when  co-sleeping, just as there are certain measures you take when putting to baby to sleep in a crib. Plus, with all the recent recalls on things like the Nap Nanny and drop-side cribs is it truly safer to put your baby in a crib?? He doesn't sleep with us anymore, though. I gradually transitioned him into his own room and he sleeps just fine..

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And once Dillinger got older, he fell in love with Dora the Explorer, mommy's and Dia's shoes, and other girly things. I don't have a problem with it at all, my husband does on occasion. Obviously the people who do,  fear that he will be gay. :Gasp!: Not the dreaded Gay Virus!! :rolls eyes: When my father was up here visiting back in June/July, he kept commenting to Dilli on how "it's gay" that he loves his pink Dora blanket and cup and his baby blue Diego shirt. So what!? He likes what he likes. If he (or any of my kids for that matter) are gay it won't affect me or my husband - we'll still love him just the same. I accepted the fact that you were a pretty shitty dad, why can't you accept your grandson for who he is? It's a good thing my father's a magician and can make himself disappear.

Opinions are like kittens. You can try to give them away all you want, but not everyone wants them. Parenting is hard enough without someone else putting their two cents in.  Unless I'm actually putting my kids at risk by say, leaving my heroin needles out or locking my kids in the car in the middle of summer with the windows rolled up (DISCLAIMER: I absolutely do not do those things), I'd like you to leave me alone...