So here we are at week 15. If anyone follows either of my Twitter accounts, I posted how I was worried that I haven't felt movement yet. I feel like I should have by now. Granted, I can't quite pinpoint the exact week that I felt my other kids move, but I know I'm quickly closing in on that deadline. I know I felt my youngest move at 14 weeks. I thought I may have felt movement a few nights ago, but I sort of wrote it off as other pregnancy symptoms. Although, I did have my leg resting against my stomach and could feel it bump against my leg. So was it the baby? You'd think after having four of them, I should know this by now...Sometimes, I still feel like a first time mom. But I know that every child, like every pregnancy, is different.
What's bothering me the most is that up until about last week, I was confident that everything was fine, that this baby was going to make it. Suddenly, a creeping feeling crawled in and now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's because I'm stuck in Limbo right now. Most of my symptoms have retired. I'm pretty sure Morning Sickness and I have officially broken up. Food Aversions seems to be working part-time. Meat, Milk, and I have begun rekindling our friendship. I missed them... Pork still doesn't like me, though. Pfft! Whatever, I never really liked him anyway... So really, right now I'm just waiting for movement. It's an agonizing wait. I hate the worry. This baby was a surprise and if I lose it, there's a 99% chance I won't get to try again.
Although...I did damn near cry when my husband came home with Subway and forgot the jalapenos. So that's a good sign, right? Well, maybe not for my husband.
I don't think I'm going to be getting my waterbirth in the birthing center though (provided the baby is ok)...My heart has been giving me problems. I have always had a minor heart murmur, albeit mild. For the longest time, I didn't even know what was going on until I felt it while in labor with my youngest and the anesthesiologist picked it up. It's gotten really bad within the last week. I'm presuming that (so long as the baby keeps growing) it's because it's working harder to supply blood to the baby. Sometimes my heart acts up so bad that it starts hurting. On my way to my in-laws yesterday, within the span of 10 minutes, it skipped beats/stuck about 6 times (conservatively, as sometimes it would happen back-to-back). I don't want to tell my midwife, honestly. I have felt robbed three times over in my past labor experiences. I find myself very lucky to be pregnant and close enough to a birthing center with the option for water labor. It's what I've (and my body has) wanted for so long. I'm not going to lie; I will probably be very upset if I end up in the hospital.
Well, my nephews are here for a surprise visit. I'm not all that happy about it because I'm not in the best of moods right now. Oh, and please disregard the mess in the picture. I only have one full length mirror and it's in the basement.
