Last night knocked me out of that "new mommy euphoria". In case no one knows, it's that bit of energy where you can get shit done on little to no sleep & you're perfectly ok with it. Up until today, I have been able to successfully function on as much as 4 hours of sleep while taking care of a one week old baby, a 6 year old who we believe may have special needs, a 3 year old who is hooked on Mommy, and housework...It's nice while it lasts but it sucks when you crash.
And I crashed. Or it may be the "baby blues". Or both, I'm really not sure. Last night I struggled to get Kyrielle to latch on for about 10th minutes...crying for about half of that time. I eventually had to give her an ounce and a half of pumped milk before it took another two minutes to get her to latch on. And then I cried about that. I'm not really sure why considering I'm doing better than I've ever done. I couldn't breastfeed my daughter beyond two weeks due to her insanely strong rooting reflex. My son I had to supplement with formula because he was constantly attached to me. Any hope of me catching five minutes to myself was found in a can. At least what I gave Kyri was still breastmilk...but I also mucked up my supply too. I was doing great and began pumping 3-5 oz. But I started running out ways to store it (no storage bags & we only have 5 bottles) so I took a two day break. Now I'm lucky to get 2 oz. And today I've just felt......useless & insignificant......I've spent a lot of the day I've been angry and it makes me like myself even less.
Oh and I got to go on a turd hunt...potty training...mmmjoy! Lol.