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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I wish I knew what to say...

Yesterday, my father in law (FIL) was taken by ambulance. He was diagnosed with HOCM a couple years back. He was recently sick and was complaining of feeling short of breath, heart palpitations, and chills. When he got to the hospital, they said he was close to having a heart attack and his heartrate was around 160 bpm and was also diagnosed with pneumonia. Today, they said he's got a blood clot somewhere and was at risk for having a stroke. So, they're putting him on blood thinners (he was already taking aspirin, but that apparently wasn't helping).

My MIL (mother in law) is a wreck, naturally. She's afraid that he's going to die any day. I honestly don't think he is, but I am worried.

She doesn't want us here. She never really did to begin with, but she thinks this is our doing. She thinks our living here has stressed him out so much and is causing all these problems, and wants us out as soon as possible. I wanted to tell her that it takes years of stress, their diet, his being sick, and his heart condition is what really caused it...but couldn't find it in my heart to do so. She needed to blame it on something, so I let her blame it on us. Even though, since we've been here, I've done the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and dishes... I've also been trying to keep the kids upstairs and out of the way as much as possible...and I honestly believe that his grandchildren and his wife's dependency on him is what's keeping him alive (she has vascular necrosis, vision problems to the point where she really shouldn't drive, missing an eye, horribly controlled Type II diabetes, the wrong sized artificial knee that prevents her from walking well, is in chronic pain even with a morphine pump, and the list goes on).

I don't even know what to say to her to help comfort her...I don't know her well enough to know what would help. Our religious preferences are completely different, so I doubt I could help there...I don't even know if she wants me being around right now...


Dazee Dreamer said...

oh man. I'm so sorry for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers

DazzleMea (Mama4Chaos) said...

Thank you. I think I'm more hurt right now than I was before. I might subtly tell her that it actually isn't our fault...I dunno...

A Mother's Thoughts said...

How is everything going with him now? You are absolutely right, this is not because of you guys, I think that because she is so stressed and scared that she is putting her fear in the wrong place. You are her foundation right now. Just continue to be there for them. It is a long road. The older they get the more sassy they can get (I work at a nursing home, I know) Just take her comments with a grain of salt. Good luck my thoughts are with you and your family!


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