Monday we hope to have an answer on whether or not Dan has the job. The owner said on Friday he had to make a business decision & needed more time to try to make it work. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means & what it all entails. But I'm praying that he can make it work. If this falls through I know its going to depress the both of us. As I mentioned previously, this is perfect for us.
If this falls through, Dan said he's going to get his GED & enlist in the army. That is something I absolutely do NOT want to happen. It would take us from our families. It would take him from us. And I start getting separation anxiety sometimes mere hours if I go somewhere without him. If I go somewhere where there's a large crowd, he's the only reason I don't have a full blown panic attack. He would miss out on all of Kyri's first & a good deal of the other two's childhood. And Dillinger will sometimes cry for hours when he has to go to work. And the idea that he might not come back frightens the living piss out of me. I'd be a wreck & insanely depressed.
Now, he's said he was going to enlist w couple times in the past when things got bad for us, but thankfully it got better. I'm 95% sure that he'll do it too if he doesn't get this job.
I'm so nervous I could puke...that's part of the reason why I've been blogging away like crazy today.
All he wants to do is provide for his family... He feels like a failure when he can't. He's miserable here. We all are really, but him mostly.