So it's been brought to my attention that its world breastfeeding week! Wanna know something funny? I think Kyri's going through a nursing strike...it can take about 5-10 minutes for me just to get her latched on. She doesn't have a strong rooting reflex to begin with - she frequently will just smack her lips. Then when I finally get her to open wide enough, she detaches. Once I can finally get her latched on, she will start crying and then pulls away, pulling me with her usually. it's the worst at night & evening. This has been going on for several nights, & got worse within the last 3 nights.
Last night was probably the hardest on the both of us. After 10 minutes of trying to get her on & her crying, I laid her down, laid myself down, threw the blankets over my head, & sobbed uncontrollably. My husband came in & sat next to me & rubbed my back. He asked if I wanted to give her a bottle. I didn't want to. I was trying to avoid artificial nipples because I know that can make it worse. But I couldn't handle it at that point & I knew my baby was hungry. She wasn't accepting my breast, so I went in the kitchen to prep her a bottle of my milk, gave it to my husband, & went to the bathroom to cry. I felt like I failed her. I felt like I failed myself. I couldn't understand what was won't with me. Why didn't she want me? So many thoughts, none of them good. I came out after a few minutes & she had already sucked the nearly 2 oz down. She looked so content. Which, made me feel even worse... However, once my husband went back to bed I was able to get her latched on with relative ease. Made me feel better, but still gave me minor butt-hurt.
My husband is now worried about if she's getting enough to eat. He said I need to make a decision quick about weather or not I want to supplement with formula. I do NOT want to do that...but what if this only gets worse? I'm kinda scared...I don't want to fail. I had so much difficulty breastfeeding my son, but managed to succeed for a year until he self-weaned...I wouldn't be able to stop feelings of failure from creeping in.